Husband wants me to have abortion, says he isn’t think he feels the same about me- alone and confused?
My husband and I went through a very bad year, and we moved to atlanta for jobs that my sister helped us to get in door. My husband had been unemployed for an extended period of time- limited to no income for 3 years. I had been laid off and underwent treatment for cancer. Between my health and what I see as his struggle with depression we were beyond the boiling point- rock bottom. Moving, a steady income, and a fresh start seemed to be what we needed. Its not that it was perfect over night,but it was moving in the right direction. We were going to move into our own place next week., we have been going ou and there was passion and tenderness. . We are both well educated and though new at our jobs, earn a good joint income right now and have started to rebuild our savings. The night before last he assured me that he loved me and really wanted to be married to me and grow old together… Then yesterday I told him I was pregnant and he told me he wasn’t sure if he really loved me, and wanted me to have an abortion. He basically accused me of trying to trap him with a pregnancy or acted like it was deliberate.I had been told that due to endometriosis and the treatments I had gone through for cancer, it was unlikely that I would conceive with out assistance. We used contraceptives every time we were intimate despite what the doctors told me. We did have broken condemn and I did get pregnant. It is a shock to me too, not some plot. I am afraid of raising a child alone, or bringing a child into the world who isnt wanted by its father. I am afraid of losing my husband, and know men aren’t lining up to step in and date a women with a baby or even a young kid. My heart is broken to hear that my husband doesn’t know if he loves me because despite it all I love him, and that he wants to abort the baby. I am here in a new city with no one to talk to and I don’t know what to do. I called in sick to work just cant stop crying. If I am going to be single anyway maybe I shouldn’t have a child. Is it even fair to have this child? My heart is so broken and I am so scared.
Tagged with: Abortion • about • alone • confused... • feels • Husband • Isn't • same • says • Think • wants
Filed under: Depression during Pregnancy Treatment Recommendations
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crazy man. well, you shouldn’t abort your baby because your husband doesn’t love you. that’s HIS problem. whether together or not, he still needs to get his life right and sadly, there’s not much you can do until he decides to stop being a jerk. if he felt that way, then he shouldn’t have been pretending, so don’t blame yourself. having a baby is scary sometimes and you don;t have to be alone. start looking for support now so that you will have a network in place.
I’m sorry but a don’t believe in abortion at all and he is a asshole, if you decide to KILL that baby you’ll regret it for the rest of your life like most women. get help from your family, friends or even the goverment. Tell him if you really love me we’ll get through this but if you don’t I’ll raise my child alone without you but don’t you ever come back and ask me to see your child because I won’t allow it. Sweetie that’s my opinion that’s what I would do. That man doesn’t deserve you. Think about your own child he is not at fault. GOOD LUCK.
As a woman who had an abortion, I can tell you, if you are having second thoughts, DO NOT do it!
Choose your child. Forget your husband. Get a divorce if it comes down to it. And as far as dating goes, you would be surprised how many men don’t care if a woman has a child or children. But BE CAREFUL who let around your child.
Women have raised children by themselves SUCCESSFULLY. If you have an abortion, you will regret that more than being a single parent. There are organizations to help single mothers. At least you have a job. YOU CAN do this without your husband. You managed to take care of yourself before you got together. You can do it again. He does not MAKE you who you are. Show him you can do fine by yourself.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I really am. But please, for your own sanity, do not abort. Your child will be the best thing that has ever happened to you and the best thing to come out of your failed marriage.
First off. Just take a deep breath. It sounds like you have a lot on your mind. Do not make any decisions in haste. A decision to abort or keep your baby alive is probably the biggest decision you will ever make. Also don’t make the decision to abort your baby because your boyfriend/husband wants you to. It is ultimately the woman’s decision. Alas… your boyfriend/husband is probably just as scared as you are. Also… think about the fact that technically you were not suppose to get pregnant. Someone gave you a miracle chance to become a Mom… believe me that there are tons of women out there that would give anything to have a little one growing inside them. And there are so many options out there today that you must also consider… adoption is always an option. I hope some of these comments will help you in making a decision.
don’t abort your baby that baby is a part of u if he does not feel the same about u because of the baby then leave him because he is asking u to kill your baby
Well, first off, sounds like your husband had an asshole moment. If he apologizes, I’d forgive him if I were you. In any case you didn’t say he had a history of this kind of behavior.
Men just get scared when their wives become pregnant, and sometimes it takes them a while to warm up to the idea. Part of the difference is that it is happening in your body, but for them, it’s a more alien experience.
I think you’ll be really upset with yourself if you have an abortion. So you really need to get your husband on board.
The important thing to know about men is that their egos are actually extremely fragile – they have a lot of expectations upon them, and a lot of fears that they won’t be able to meet the many needs of the people who depend upon them. This need is so strong, that men actually need your trust more than they need your love. In fact, the two are virtually synonymous for them. Trust and Love.
When things have calmed down a bit, depending upon the habits of your marriage (how long before you’re speaking again). Let him know you won’t be having an abortion, and express your confidence that he’s been such a great husband, and you are quite certain he will also be a terrific father. And just keep on doing it. Whatever he does that’s wonderful, make sure he knows you’re impressed.
Trust also has to work the other way as well. It means you don’t correct him when he does things. It means you allow him to do things on his own. You are his helper.
And yes, you have to make these moves first. Not because it’s fair, but because you are more capable of it. In marriage, you work together in part by allowing whomever is more capable accomplish the task, and that includes making up. There are plenty of things he’s good at that make your marriage work, so don’t get too hung up on fairness.
When men have this crisis of confidence, whether it is something you said, or just something they feel, and are projecting, they generally respond with anger, and when they’re angry, they say stupid things like blaming you for secretly going behind their backs to have sex with them and getting pregnant on the sly. Duh, that took a real lapse of logic, the kind that only comes from a crisis of confidence overshadowed by anger.
Or he could just be an asshole. You would know this by his past behavior – does he do stuff like this a lot? Your call.
It isn’t fair to purposely bring a child into the world with no father. But that isn’t what you did. The only thing that is less fair is to kill your child before it’s born.
Do what you want… if you want the baby keep it, if you don’t then have an abortion. If your husband doesn’t support your choice then you deserve someone who will.