Help! i dont know what to do?
I have a very hard situation that is causing me a lot of pain and anguish. I don’t know what to do and I feel so lost right now. I am a 34 year old man that recently married his girlfriend after only dating for 3 months. We have been married for 2 months now, so we have been together for a total of 5 months. My wife is 25 years old so there is an age gap there. I agree that we did move way too fast and that everyone would tell us this. She is currently 3 months pregnant and the last two months have been pretty much a living nightmare. From the beginning of the relationship, this woman told me that she loved me with all her heart abnd that she had no doubt about the way she felt about me. We even talked about getting married soon. Two months into the relationship , she got pregnant after we had made a promise that we would wait until we got married to consummate our relationship. She did mention several times during the first two months that she did not want to get pregnant. But two weeks after we found out she was pregnant she promised me that she was ok with the pregnancy and she was even happy about it. I am a bipolar man that has did disorder for along time, but just recently came to the acceptance and realization that I am bipolar and now am seeking treatment (medication and therapy). From the beginning of the relationship she noticed that I had episodes of depression and mania and she would even think to herself that I might be bipolar. Three weeks after we find out she was pregnant, she was struck physically so bad that she had to leave work and unable to do anything physically throwing up all the time everything she would eat and nauseated all the time. I immediately started taking care of her like a good husband would and would only leave the house to go to work.. During the last 9 weeks that she has gotten worse and her mood swings (due to the pregnancy) have gotten worse and worse. During all this my bipolar episodes of depression and mania have increased and have acted out on those episodes with her many times throughout the pregnancy. Recently about three weeks ago she told me that she did not feel the same way anymore about me or about us and that the love she felt once for me in November through January was not there anymore. And when she explained that to me I thought that that explained the way she had been with me the last 5 weeks as far as cold, distant, abusive, and even made cruel comments. I have heard horror stories about pregnant women doing some crazy things to their husbands and even feeling like they do not love their husbands anymore as result of uncontrollable hormones, but these are marriages that have been together for years not 4 -5 months. I did also tell her that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and that started getting treatment for it. She stated that she always knew I had it so it came as no surprise. She mentioned that she was tired of everything and the way I have not been able to handle her hard pregnancy. I did explain to her that her pregnancy, and the way she has changed were triggers that triggered my episodes of depression and irritability but that it wasn’t who I really was and that I was getting help for my disorder but that she would need to be patient with me. I know that I have done everything possible to make her hard pregnancy better by taking care of every possible need that she might have though all this, but she feels that I have not done a good job of handling the pregnancy at all. So now I fear that because of my bipolar disorder I have tired yet another person out of my life. I try to be positive and think that its just her hormones talking or making her feel like this and making her the things she has said and not that she is realizing that she was only infatuated with me at the beginning and now because of what she realizes is wrong with me is not willing to deal with it. When she did tell me that she was no longer in love with me, I did tell her that I was leaving and I gathered all my belongings and left, while I walked downstairs she texted me telling me that I told her I would never leave her no matter what, I came back because of that , because no matter what I love her and I love that child she is going to have. I am so distressed and tired and scared that this woman who I fell in love with is now no longer in love with me, because I have pushed her away due to my episodes of this hated decease
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Filed under: Depression during Pregnancy Treatment Recommendations
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I am really sorry about what you are going through. My mum has bipolar (manic) depression and was hospitalised because of it a few times when i was growing up and I have also been pregnant so in a way I can see both sides of what you two are feeling. Its hard to say what will help you because you don’t know that the breakdown between you would not have happened anyway at this early stage. The best thing I can advise is to take a break away from each other. If you have family or friends that can help her for just a few days or a couple of weeks. Living in each others pockets when both of your hormones are flying around can’t be doing either of you any good. Even though your heads know it is just hormonal/mood swings, your behaviour will still annoy, irritate and hurt each other. After a month or so more her hormones at least should calm down. She will become happier more settled but the first few do take it out of a woman as her body adjusts to all the different changes.Bear with her and continue to be there for her. She doesn’t want to be alone and the way she texted you when you were leaving confirms that. I think right now she is confused, scared and feeling bewildered by so much happening in a short space of time, especially with your bipolar affecting your moods. Stick it out and try your best to keep yourself calm, see a counsellor if needs be just to get yourself through this difficult time so that you can be strong enough for her because I think she really needs you now as much as you need her. I don’t really know what else to say. Good luck
Whew that was a long one, I usually never read those so listen. You’ve got to get professional help for your bi-polar situation first, otherwise you won’t be thinking straight, and if you can’t think straight, you can’t act straight.
It is possible that through this difficult time, this girl has realized that you are not the one for her, or maybe she’s just a hormonal bitch. You can’t change what happened in the last few months so don’t bring it up, don’t think about it.
You must decide what you want. If you want this girl, then you must make a change and show her that you can be different. It will not happen over-night you must be persistent and calm. Do not get drawn into fights with her. Think long and hard about whether or not you want to stay married to this person, she sounds like a bit of a pain in the ass.
well wow! you guys should really sit donw have a HUGE talk and talk about all the thinsg that you guys fell in love with eachother for and why you guys got married maybe you did move a little too fats and maybe thats why shes scared and pregnancy does a lot of things to a girl makes them very emotional did you ever think maybe shes bipolar too? im bipolar and i usually cant control my episodes either thats why im having troubles with my boyfriend but you guys shoudl talk about all the good and bad things that would come out of you guys staynig together and then a whole other list of good and bad things that would come out of you guys NOT being together dont let it ruin your life love is blind and sometimes there are times you just dont know and when its gone you realize what you have lost i dont think she feels that way because if she did i dont think she wouldve married you and shes still young and doesnt exactly know EVERTHING she wants in life give her time and give yourself time its only best for the both of you to communicate with eachother leaving would be the worst thing because then you both will be thinking about giving up and you dont want that baby to live in a broken family and im sure you guys dont want to be apart its a rough time but she has to understand your going to need healing process and time to get better if you have bipolar you guys both need to help eachother
GOOD LUCK!
i hope my advice helped
listen do not put all the blame on your self.
some times I think woman use being pregnant as an excuse to be the way they are to the men in their life. I have had 4 children and never acted that way I was a happy sole. and a lot of woman in the world don’t act like that and the men think that its hormones I can’t see them acting that way. I think my self they just want attention but get the wrong attention because they raise hell to much . that’s just my thoughts on the matter. now with your med. condition, don’t let her use you saying you would never leave her. as a reason for you to stay. if she told you she did not love you any more she meant it. it was not hormones talking. you should take care of your self before you can take care of her and the baby. it sounds like she was using you for what ever reason. I would quit kissing her ass, and let her stay with her mother and father until she gets over her being nauseated if she goes to a Dr. they will give her med, to stop the nausea believe me I do know this all the med, is . is a pill you take if you are sea sick. I took it the Dr, told me to take it and it works. you don’t have to be put through hell because of her being preg.
and your doing great trying to help your self with your condition I know people who don’t take there’s so their lost soles. take care
GOD BLESS
wow you’ve got yourself into quite a situation there! it’s good that you recognize and acknowledge exactly what the problems are, and that you’re doing your best to keep things together, but as you said yourself, the two of you rushed into this marriage way too fast. you didn’t allow yourselves time to really get to know one another and so now this is part the reason for your conflict. honestly, I’m sure you know it’s not healthy for either of you to continue this relationship. you with your mania, and her having her hormones all over the place, you’re both clashing against each other. that’s not to say that ppl with bipolar disorder can’t or shouldn’t be in a relationship, as I’m sure there are many sufferers out there who are in a successful, happy, loving relationship and have children. but the reality is that at this point in time, you both need a break. you can still support her pregnancy and be there for the child, but staying together, especially when all you do is fight and she has said she doesn’t feel the same for you anymore, is not good. it’s only normal for the infatuation to fade, but I’m concerned as to just how quickly your marriage seems to be falling apart. perhaps suggest to her that you’d like to try marriage counselling and find some pregnancy support group that you can both attend. keep up with your mediction and therapy and try not to let this get you down even more than the bipolar. I have seen first hand how bad the mania can be as I recently lost my neighbor to it cuz she OD’d on her medication and alcohol. I can understand your wife’s point to a some extent that she doesn’t want to deal with it.. HOWEVER, she is your wife and she did make the vows with you to be with you for better or worse, in sickness and in health, so she shouldn’t be so quick to give up. also, she threw it in your face by txting you that when you were leaving so in that resect she is having double standards and she needs to realize it doesn’t work that way. any relationship or marriage takes effort and commitment from BOTH persons. if she can’t be bothered to do her part and can’t accept that she is just as much to blame for the breakdown, then perhaps you need to let her go. whatever happens. I wish you the best of luck.